As children we are born with naturally high levels of confidence that unfortunately, can get chipped away over time by adverse life experiences. Think of a child when they begin learning to walk and talk, most children do so with lots of confidence and self-belief. At no point do they think, “Oh no I won’t do that incase I fall or get it wrong and look silly” so why do we take on this perspective now?
The reason is, when we are young children, our self-worth and value comes from an untouched intrinsic source within. But over time and as a result of having to conform to societal norms and values, at some point usually during late childhood, we begin to take our self-worth and value from outside ourselves, usually from those around us. The good news is that confidence can be rebuilt again with a change of perspective and a little bit of time and effort.
Tips for building confidence:
Become aware of that pattern of taking your self-worth and value from those around you and begin giving yourself the approval you are looking for from others.
Accept yourself as you are and give yourself the permission to be who you are instead of who you think people want you to be.
Look back and reflect on times where your confidence may have been dented – look at them with fresh eyes and reframe the experience if possible from the perspective of someone that greatly values themselves – if someone treated you unkindly, it was about them not you.
Look at the areas where confidence is lacking and ask yourself, what would help me or what do I need to feel more confident in this area of my life?
The quickest way to build confidence is to begin treating yourself with self-compassion and kindness, as oppose to judging yourself harshly and criticising yourself – start noticing your self-talk, start treating yourself like you would treat a loved one and finally, please be kind and gentle with yourself.