We would consider people to be negative for lots of different reasons:
- They might complain a lot
- They might be down in themselves a lot – speak negatively about themselves or others
- They might be quite confrontational or argumentative
- Opinionated but quite strong in expressing their opinions – not very flexible or open to others viewpoint
Not reacting to people’s negativity is the key!
We all have days where we come across negative people and we’re having a great day and their negativity is like water off a ducks back – it has no effect on us! On the flip side, we have the days where the slightest thing can set us off. What does that show you? What it shows me is that we react to things in relation to how we are feeling at any given time. And we can choose our reactions to things, we just have to be self-aware.
We also have to bear in mind that we all have quite strong egos, which may be in control of our thoughts and feelings, this is also a factor in how we react to people, especially people who are negative. When we react to somebody in a negative way, it is our ego reacting to their ego. The ego is very quick to judge somebody as a threat and will react with defensiveness or by lashing out. When we are in control of our ego, we are peaceful and calm, we know the reason the person is being overly negative is because their reacting from their ego. When our ego is involved we are blindsided and will more than likely “take the bait”.
We all have positivity and negativity inside us, it really depends on any given day what we’re feeling, is what will shine through.
We also have “hooks” or things that will get us going, for example, one of my hooks is arrogance! If I meet somebody who is quite arrogant, I find it extremely difficult to stay present and aware of my thoughts because my ego is having a major reaction to this person!! A really useful thing you could do is to write out a list of your “hooks” and that way when you come across them you can be aware of them and make an extra effort to stay present and self-aware (staying aware of your thoughts and feelings).
When you are in the company of someone that is quite negative:
- Be self-aware and aware of what your thoughts are in relation to the other person
- Who is in control, your calm, peaceful self or your ego?
- If your experiencing strong negative emotions within yourself, acknowledge that silently, by doing so your controlling your emotions not the other way around.
- There is a huge difference between an action and a reaction. An action is taken consciously and is well thought out, it can solve problems and fix situations. A reaction is an unconscious, on the spot action (more than likely ego driven) which has not been thought out properly and to which there can be unwanted consequences. More often than not, nothing good comes from reactions. The only exception to this would be in the case of a physical reaction to protect you from harm.
- So instead of reacting to somebody, stay calm, let the negativity go. At a later and more appropriate time, you can take a thought out action, maybe by taking the person aside gently and saying “look, you were a bit negative the other day…”. People who are ruled by their ego, do not know and are totally unaware that their ego has control over them!
- I know it’s not easy to be in control of your reactions all the time, it does take practise but when I look back on any confrontation I have ever had, there would have been a far better result/outcome had I taken a conscious action instead of reacting unconsciously.
All of these tips will help in dealing with negativity on a larger scale too. Remember, non-reaction is key!
If you are struggling to rise above negativity book in for a free consultation and we will soon have you on the road to positivity again!